Communication between you and your new roommate is the most important tool in finding a compatible shared living situation. Visit each others homes. Talk about money, habits, friends, free time, personal possessions, grocery shopping, cooking, eating, household rules, pets & plants, space needs and divisions of labor.

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In order to eliminate misunderstandings or future problems, we suggest you draft a roommate agreement. Putting as much information in writing is extremely important, and protects both parties involved.

ADDITIONAL ISSUES

Do I, as the Landlord, have to provide linens?
No, it should not be expected.

Should utilities be separate, or part of the rent?
With increased cost of utilities, the charges should be shared. Not only does that make a potential roommate more conscious of energy saving costs, it takes the guessing or averaging out of the utility bill. Share the payment when they become due. And remember, consider phones personal - not utilities - and do not try to share them. To minimize conflicts over utility bills, consider using a company which splits utility bills among individual roommates, such as ServiceSense.

Should I charge more for a furnished bedroom?
Yes, perhaps $20 a month if the place is rented. If it is an owned home, the fee should include it.

How do we handle the food situation?
Best to buy your own food items and have separate refrigerator shelves and cabinets. Share only condiments, paper products, etc. And decide in advance how you will pay for them. Some people have a household kitty that they contribute to, which goes to buy staples. Others take turns purchasing items. The important thing is to decide your method at the beginning of your relationship.

What is a good way to say NO to a roommate candidate who fails to meet my approval?
Say you will decide after interviewing the other candidates, and that you will call back within a specific time frame only if this person is chosen. Do not lead the person on unnecessarily. Common courtesy is still the best method.

What about my pets?
If you are using a service such as The Roommate Connection, this situation is screened for you in advance. But be sure to make mention of your pet situation, and double check to be sure it is permissible with the landlord and the existing lease, if there is one. If you are not using an agency, mention your pets up front and pray. Do not save their existence as a surprise, because it seldom works, and most leases have a NO PET clause built right into the lease.

Can I restrict my roommate from inviting overnight guests?
This should be thoroughly discussed and understood beforehand, but generally the person who pays half should be allowed this privilege. Be sure to define your terms. Is overnight someone who comes in at midnight and leaves at 5 in the morning to go back to their house to shower and prepare for work? Or is overnight someone who comes home with you from work, helps you in the kitchen, enjoys the evening in your (shared) living room, sleeps over, and then is in the (shared) bathroom preparing for work the next morning? Is one night a week overnight? Is the long weekend overnight? It is a sensitive issue, and one that needs to be thoroughly defined and agreed to in advance by both parties.

How do we work out house-cleaning chores?
Here is another area that needs to be thoroughly discussed. Find out what your roommate hates doing, and express what you do not mind doing. Few people love housework. Assign the chores, but do not set specific days for the work. No one likes to feel guilty if he is a day or two late; everyone hates to be prodded. If you are feeling particularly flush, hiring a maid is an inexpensive way to avoid housecleaning.

Who gets the master bedroom?
Whoever is willing to pay extra for it. Bid on this privilege, but do not flip a coin. Or, another possibility is alternating every six months.

WORDS OF WISDOM FOR ALL ROOMMATES

Initial Meeting
Let's assume you are facing your first meeting with a potential roommate. Schedule the meeting in a public place. A bar or restaurant is good, because you can learn a lot from the way a person eats and handles liquor. If the person chooses the location, and you walk into his/ her favorite bar and the bartender and waitstaff are on a first name basis with your potential roommate, this should give you pause. Does this person have a drinking problem? Will this person, who obviously spends a great deal of time in the bar, be bringing home strangers? Also, by meeting in a public place, you do not have to disclose your actual address to anyone until you have had the opportunity to meet them face-to-face and feel comfortable inviting them into your home. In addition, by not being in the actual home, your conversation is forced to be about each other, likes and dislikes, etc., instead of on the actual, physical aspects of the home. If you conversation tends to dwell on the actual home itself, many people neglect to discuss the real important issues, which eventually will be the issues that cause problems, not the color of the carpet in the bedroom.

Put an ending time on your meeting in advance.
If things are not going well, you already have an easy out. If things are going well, excuse yourself to make a phone call, and then extend your meeting longer.

Demand references
Be sure to check them carefully. A potential roommate is not going to hand you a list of enemies, certainly, but you would be amazed at how candid their friends or former roommates can be. Keep in mind, however, the real world. If someone wants to give you planted references, it is very easy to do and difficult to detect the truth. Always rely on your gut instincts.

Terms
Put the terms of your roommate relationship in writing, clearly stating what the payment will be and what the terms include. No surprises or afterthoughts like extra charges for the washer and dryer, etc. Written roommate agreements can preclude a myriad of arguments. A sample agreement is available on this website or from The Roommate Connection.

Sharing
The less you share, the better off you will be. Each roommate should ideally have his own room, phone, bath, TV and anything else that could create personal combustion. Important advice: believe it. Are you going to share all food, staples only, or have everything completely separate? Are you going to have separate telephone lines.


Don't be petty
Share the staples, but buy separate foods, which can be kept on individual shelves in the refrigerator and the cabinets. Some roommates share the alcohol supply, but be forewarned: people tend to be very possessive in this area. But it is good advice - and manners - to replace whatever is borrowed from any roommate. Pettiness is the greatest offender between otherwise compatible people. A good friend and roommate is worth much more than a few pennies (or dollars).

Telephone Lines
If the roommate desires it, answer the other roommates phone and take messages cheerfully and carefully. In many cases, it could save the expense of separate phone lines, answering machines or voice mail. Of course, separate phone lines and answering machines is the best advice.

Problems
Be careful what you say about your roommate to others. If there is a problem, confront them with it directly. It is incredible how rumors get back to the damaged party. Remember the childhood game telephone?


Furniture
Should never be purchased jointly. It creates big problems at the eventual time of parting.

Extras
Should be paid for proportionately; the person who wants the bigger, sunnier room should pay a little more. If one person has a car and the other does not, the car owner should pay more for the use of the parking space. If one loves housework and the other hates it, the lover of it should be compensated for any chores regularly performed. The person in possession of the furnished apartment or home is entitled to more than half of the monthly expenses-but not disproportionately: perhaps an extra ten percent. The person moving in has the use of the furniture, but it stays with the apartment holder when the agreement terminates. Also, the possessor of the furnishings should not expect the temporary roommate to share repair costs of the 5-year old refrigerator or vacuum cleaner. If a small contribution is offered, fine, but do not require it. The extra dollars collected every month are being paid for such expenses.

Leaving
Always give your roommate at least 30-days notice of your intent to sever your agreement. This applies even if a quarrel precipitates the separation. You never know when you may need a future reference, and fair is fair.